After the Fire
by LisaDouglas
Summary: After shooting Johnny in the head, Lana decides she needs deeper meaning in her life and goes to California to track down two people whose lives she left to fate. Note: A lot of people will be in this story, from both seasons one and two, will include some VioletxTate and other pairings.
1. After the ashes cool

Chapter One- After the ashes cool

Marion carefully peeked around the corner into the elegant living room. Watching her partner deteriorate over the last few weeks had been anything but easy. She watched as Lana, a cigarette in her mouth, and a drink in her shaky hand, tended to the remains of the fire in hearth. She hadn't been entirely sure of what had been going on an hour earlier when Lana had lit a roaring fire. Marion wasn't much for fires, she always feared they'd find their way out of the hearth and onto the carpet, but Lana understood them. She knew exactly how to fuel them, to control them, to squelch them.

An hour earlier, Lana had had her own book burning, having tossed her first copy of _Maniac_ into the deep orange flames. Lana stood there as long as it took, and watched the flames overtake her life's work. She relished watching the binding melt, and the pages crinkle up turn into ash. Now she fished the remains out of the fire, carefully studying the ash, what was left of her best-selling story, the one that made her world famous

"It wasn't the only story I had you know." Lana gasped, acknowledging Marion's presence. She'd known she was there for a time but had wanted to pretend she was alone.

"I know." Marion said.

Lana had been having horrible flashbacks since Johnny's murder…to everything from the rape, to Briarcliff, to the failed abortion, to thinking that Marion was Wendy…her Wendy…and even to things that had not happened. Lana had reconciled herself to the fact that maybe she was just going crazy and that the Thredson family curse had finally claimed her too, just as it had claimed her son, deteriorated his mind and made him a murderer.

"You didn't need to burn your book Lana." Marion offered.

"Sure I did. It was the perversion." Lana had not taken her eyes of the words burning in the fireplace this entire time. "As soon as it became the preeminent thing in my sights it wrecked my life. It, you see…is what screwed up my perception of things. What caused me to betray Jude…how many people do you think I've killed because of that thing, Marion?"

"Lana I know your upset, but he was trying to kill you too." Marion offered, she did consider that Lana had been almost inconsolable since she'd pulled the trigger on her own son.

What she didn't know was that Lana was driving herself crazy with guilt and was deeply searching for a way out. She couldn't sleep and at night she sat up in the living room, mumbling:

'There's been enough blood, there's been enough blood.'

In fact, she couldn't look around this living room, or at her face, or down at her hands without seeing them covered in her baby's blood: blood that was half hers, half that monsters…Johnny was only part monster…he'd succumbed to it and it was all her fault….and here she'd thought she'd done something to save him.

"If I'd kept my promise on Briarcliff…how many people would've lived?" She continued. Marion found this an interesting point but she didn't believe it.

"I threw the damn book in because it was a sham and it needed to go up in flames. Because of it, I killed my son twice…he was never supposed to know who he was Marion." Lana was crying now. "That was the point…to try and save him from his destiny."

"You couldn't control fate Lana."

"But it's my fault! I never wanted life to end that way for him…why do you think I had him? I didn't want life to end that way for him…" She sobbed, her thoughts turning back to Wendy now, the woman who haunted her in her dreams, in many of the things she'd done.

She often wondered if her relationship with Wendy was as broken for all of time as it now was with her son…if she'd ever forgive her, if he'd forgive her.

"My only son…he died in childbirth…yeah. Uh-huh." Lana took another drink.

"Well, then maybe it's time you to right your wrong. Write something else. Something more truthful." Marion offered.

"Come here. I have to tell you something. " Lana warmly extended her hand to Marion without looking up. Marion came and sat by the fire next to Lana, totally unaware that a confession was about to be made. Lana took a deep breath. "Marion." She said, placing her hand warmly on her partner's knee. Marion placed her hand comfortingly over Lana's and squeezed it. "You have no idea what a monster I am. It wasn't just Johnny." She shook her head. "On that hot August day, up in Boston…I gave three babies away to the world…to their fate, whatever that would be…I've never mentioned them to anyone even you because…I wanted to keep them safe." She sniffled. "A mother's love must reside somewhere in my heart…because I wanted more than anything to protect them from their fate. And I thought that met letting them go, but I'm not sure now. Maybe they'd have been better off with me…knowing who they were."

"Oh Lana…I understand, its alright…its alright. You've been through so much…it's not all on you. You can't blame yourself."

"But I do…about everything. About the lie I've lived…about glorifying myself instead of shutting that place down as soon as I could. What am I to do now to find closure?" She asked. "I feel like I single-handedly created the second Bloodyface."

"Lana that's ridiculous."

"Oh no it isn't…I've been so conflicted for years I don't know which way is up and which way is down anymore…I haven't for a long time. That's what the drink is for…" She admitted, finally setting her glass down on the mantle. "You see, it didn't just start with the rape and the asylum…I think the start of my decline was really having all that evil live inside me. Like I said…Johnny was never a saint. Even when he was an unborn baby.

That's really how I came to create the second Bloodyface…you see. Maybe I could've changed that in him…I had no clue I was expecting triplets, but I knew it was twins, at least for the last five months. It's just something about being pregnant I can't describe to you if you haven't done it…for me, I knew intimate things about the unborn people I carried…my womb overpowered me, putting me in a deep quandary. It was like a carrying a horrific combination of precious baby and pure evil. Like something not even real."

Marion listened attentively, wondering if this had more to do with her conflict over loving her child but hating its father and the way it was conceived. She pulled Lana into a hug, sometimes she had to remember that Lana was very deep, but not a true open book. She was the one in the relationship who most often had to forgive and to guide.

"I think it's time." Marion smiled.

"For what?" Lana had no idea what she was talking about.

"To find them." She said reassuringly.

"Who?" Lana narrowed her eyes, Marion couldn't believe she wasn't following her and laughed.

"Darling. You said you wanted to make things right…to tell the truth…its time you did that with who matters most. Johnny was evil, bad to the core from his beginning in your womb, to his end, right behind me on the floor…you said so yourself…but the other two need to know who they are. Are you ready?"

Lana bit her lip. For the better part, she wanted to leave them alone. It was what had been important to her. She didn't want to answer the questions they had. At the same time, a part of Lana longed to find them, to know they weren't murderers and criminals. She'd wondered if they would've turned out as well as Julia and Thomas if she'd raised them…at the same time, she longed to see a piece of herself untouched by all of this, as she hoped her son and daughter were. Johnny had been anything but that.

The other boy, had become a psychiatrist like his father, and she had wondered if that was something she should be proud of…or if it is should chill her to the bone. She'd become friends with his adoptive mother, in a kind of secretive way. The woman had no idea Lana was her son's natural mother and she'd lost all connection with the boy, named Ben, after she had died some twenty years before. And as for the girl, the one who she'd had the hardest time giving up, she'd discovered she was adopted by a couple in California when she was less than a week old and had never been able to track her after that.

"That's what you need to do Lana." Marion smiled, brushing the hair out of Lana's face. "And I'm here with you every step of the way. She reassured. Lana was silent, and in that instant she saw Wendy smiling back at her rather than Marion.

"I'm ready." Lana said. "To meet my son and find my daughter. To make things right between us."


	2. I always knew

Chapter 2- I always knew

"I guess this is goodbye." Lana said, sniffled. "Although. I suppose I should've said goodbye a long time ago." She finished, a single tear dripping from her eye. "And you're…you're not really there…" She paused, running her fingertips across the cold, lifeless marble. It had taken Lana along time to even admit that she wasn't there.

After almost half a century, coming to see Wendy was still difficult on her. It was something she couldn't handle because the guilt of what had happened, and the longing she had to say some sort of real goodbye to her former lover was just too much for her to bear.

"Wendy I…I'm so sorry. Once again, for whatever it's worth and you don't have to tell me that talk is cheap. I first came here scared, alone and pregnant, unable to tell you goodbye. Remember?" She said, continuing to trace her fingers along the dark grey tombstone.

When she was there she liked to close her eyes and pretend the tombstone was a face. It was as smooth as Wendy's face had been….but it was cold and lifeless. It served as a stark reminder of what had happened. Of the fact that Wendy was cold, lifeless and no longer with her, and of course it also stirred up memories of the man who had done this to them….Oliver Thredson, the man who killed because he obsessively sought contact with something that he could control, something that wasn't cold and lifeless….Lana felt trapped between all of this: like she was in an eternal prison she could never escape. She bit her lip and continued to speak.

"Wendy." Lana's tooth dug deeper into her lip as the tears came again. "I finally did it. I did it I killed my own son. I killed my baby…." She shrieked as she began to sob. "I always knew it was coming and I never wanted to kill him…all I wanted was to save the three of them. Even…Even Johnny…the one whose fate it was to be," she sniffled, "bad…to be like his father….a-and now oh I wish you were here." She sighed; she was having a hard time getting through this.

"Wendy. It was hard when I-when I left you and moved to New York remember? But now Marion and I are moving to LA. Yeah I know LA. I think my baby girl's out there somewhere and…" she brightened at this. "I need to find her. I know I said I wouldn't…that I would leave them alone to find a new fate far away from mine and Oliver's... and yours….but Marion got me thinking about it…and I want to find my daughter. It's something I need to do. And I hope you, I hope that you understand. I love you baby." She smiled now through her tears and placed a kiss on her fingers, pressing it quickly against the cold tombstone before getting up to leave.

…

Marion was relieved to have left their apartment. Lana had changed for the worse since she'd killed Johnny, and understandably so…she couldn't imagine killing her son and couldn't pretend to really understand what Lana was going through. At the same time, the change in Lana's demeanor and thought process scared her. It was as if she was slipping backwards and being sucked into another time. Marion felt like just being in their home where the killing had happened was adversely affecting her and preventing her from finding some sense of peace, keeping her from recovering…On that same note, she wondered if Lana had ever really "recovered" from everything that had happened decades before: from the rape, giving up her babies, it was obvious that she'd not recovered from Wendy's murder….

Out the things from her ordeal forty some years before, Marion realized that Lana had only really confronted and dealt with her time at Briarcliff. She'd confronted it not for the sake of healing but as means to an ultimate end. Lana was like that. Marion fully realized that her partner could be quite the opportunist...she'd used Briarcliff to become famous….at the same time she valued the fact that there were things she'd never be willing to exploit.

Johnny had been wrong about that. Lana hadn't mentioned the triplets and had claimed that one son died for one reason: to protect them…to try to save them from becoming the fulfillment of their parent's destinies, not to try to forget them as it might seem. And most of all, Lana hadn't mentioned Wendy in an effort to protect and preserve her memory in a dignified manner, she deserved more than just being known as one of Bloodyface's victims in Lana's eyes….But Marion wished she'd confronted these things as a younger woman and truly moved on with her life. She knew that now that she was older, it was going to be even harder for to find peace and forgiveness about all these things.

"Do you think we'll find them Mare?" Lana asked, taking her hand. They were in the plane's first class lounge and Lana was nervously sipping a glass of champagne.

"I'm sure we will Lana." She soothed. "I'm sure we will."

What Marion had not told her was that she'd tracked down Lana's other son, Ben to a house in Los Angeles…only he no longer lived there and she'd been unable to find him after that. Marion thought it was a pretty old house and had arranged for her and Lana to see it first thing when they got to LA. She hoped they might buy it, fix it up, and make it their new project…and that of course, something inside might give them a good starting point in their search for Ben.

….

"Well what do you think?" Marion asked as she observed Lana gaze up at the big, grand old house.

"It looks like Briarcliff." She mumbled very quietly. Marion pat Lana on the shoulder, dismissing her comment. It didn't really look at much like Briarcliff.

"So, what do you think?" The Realtor asked.

Marcy seemed to be a nice woman but Lana and Marion noticed right away that she was not the type of person that dialed in well to the way other people were feeling or how they reacted to things.

"I-its lovely." Marion said.

As they walked inside Marcy began her usual story about the house, pointing out every intricate little detail of the place from the wooden floors to the tiffany sconces. Lana, Marion and Marcy walked passed the staircase landing and into the kitchen. Lana wasn't sure what she thought of the place and trailed behind the other two women as they yammered about the home's architecture. Lana stared up the stairs before continuing on. It was as if something caught her eye but there was nothing there.

"Lana are you coming?" Marion asked from the kitchen.

"Yes, Ms. Winters you must see the new pasta arm in the kitchen it's fabulous!" Marcy raved about her favorite feature of the home.

Unbeknownst to Lana something had caught her attention. She couldn't see them but there were two people, or ghosts rather, standing by the stair railing, looking down at her. Ben and Vivian were always curious when Marcy showed the house but this time was different for Ben because he sensed his mother's presence right away.

"Mother?" He inquired, looking over the staircase railing curiously at the Lana as she shook her head and walked into the kitchen.

"Ben, what are you talking about?" Vivian was concerned. That wasn't his mother.

"Viv, remember how I told you I was adopted?"

"Yeah…"

"That's her. See the one on the left: she's my Mom."

"Y-your real Mom, Ben?"

"Yeah." He swallowed nervously and Vivian could tell he was upset.

"What happened, why'd she give you up?"

"I-I don't know the whole story Viv but…she _is_ Lana Winters. I think she probably gave me up because of what happened to her you know…because I was Bloodyface's son." Vivian recoiled from him when he said this.

"You think your Bloodyface's son…"

"Yes."

In truth, that calmed him. It rationalized every bad thing he'd ever done in his life, how he could've possibly chosen the methods he had to get out of the messes _he'd _made_._ Ben Harmon was a good man trying to escape evil desires, and an evil place. As such, sometimes the things he did, like the affair and getting rid of his girlfriend, could be explained in light of the fact that he was Thredson's child. Not that it was an excuse, Ben's heart and soul had been heavy with guilt when he was alive, but at least it had explained everything.

"B-but Ben how do you _know_ she's your mother?" Vivian didn't really think she believed this at all and wondered why he believed it so firmly. Ben drew a breath and began to explain.

"So, what brings you to LA?" Marcy, the nosy realtor asked. She had just made coffee for Lana and Marion and the three sat in the kitchen.

Marion looked at Lana, hoping she'd explain, she didn't want to say anything Lana didn't want said.

"We're uh, wanting a change of pace." Lana explained.

"Yes that's right a change of pace." Marion agreed, sipping her coffee.

"Oh….I see…." Marcy didn't believe this, the answer wasn't detailed enough for her.

"We'd like to make an offer on the house." Marion said, cutting to the chase. She didn't want to talk to Marcy for much longer, their situation was sensitive and she was far too invasive.

"Alright, but I should let you know the previous owners died in the house." Marion's breath caught in her throat. Ben was dead? How was she supposed to get out of making an offer on the house now? Lana couldn't know Ben was dead!

"Yes a gay couple, like yourselves….well not like yourselves." Marcy laughed nervously. Lana was taken aback that was a strange thing to say. All Marion could think was, _'Ben is dead…and he was gay?'_ She was surprised by both developments.

"Yes. Chad and Patrick…you can read about it in the archives of the LA Times….they were quite good friends of mine. We had a lot of nice dinners in this house…"

"What happened?" Lana asked.

"It was a murder-suicide. They had a rocky relationship."

"Ben honey you don't have to cry it's alright." Vivian soothed.

The ghost sobbed loudly and it was still weird for Vivian that the women in the kitchen couldn't hear them and didn't know they were there. Little did she know Violet and Nora had heard and were hiding around the corner listening to every word they said.

"I knew I always knew." He continued to cry.

"That you were adopted?"

"Well yeah, that. But I always knew she was my Mother…and I'd always wanted to, to meet her."

"How'd you know, did someone tell you she was your Mother?"

"No she…she was just always there."

"There?"

"When you know your adopted and the same lady watches you in the park from the time you're three or four to the time you're fourteen and playing football with friends, you know she's your Mom." Ben smiled at this, he'd always brightened at the fact that Lana had done this and he'd always appreciated the sweet, but distant connection they'd shared all of those years she'd watched him play in the park.

"We'd always make eye-contact and simply smile. We had a connection she and I. A few times I'd show off in front of her, just for her to let her know I was happy she cared and was there…do something amazing on the monkey bars or make an incredible touchdown…but that would be it.

Once I had an accident when I was maybe six. I don't remember what it was but I fell off something really high up and landed in the sand. My adoptive mother, who was on the other side of the park talking with other women never noticed but she did. She rushed to me and put me back on my feet, when no one was looking she kissed my forehead and said the only thing she ever said to me in all those years, 'go,' she said, 'it'll be alright, I promise.'

I ran off and said nothing. And that was how I first knew she was my Mom. I was angry for a while…I was loved but ignored at home and I wondered why she'd given me up when she obviously cared so much for me…and then I learned her story, about Bloodyface and I figured out who I was…"

"Bloodyface?" Violet whispered, narrowing her eyebrows. The name sounded familiar but she couldn't place it.

Vivian hugged her husband as she began to cry again.

"There there it'll be okay Ben. You know maybe…"

"Well…" The spirits in the room were called to attention when Marcy led Lana and Marion back into the foyer. "I'm glad you've decided to make an offer on the house." Ben smiled at this; she'd made an offer?!

"See Ben. Everything happens for a reason." Viv began. "Now you're going to get the chance to know your Mother."


End file.
